How to poison your children with common household materials

So you’ve gone through pregnancy without drinking or smoking. You’ve taken your vitamins, gotten adequate sleep, regular exercise. Everything you can do to ensure your little one comes out in the best shape possible. And once it comes out, you breast-feed the little bunch of love, ensuring it has the best possible protection against diseases and is generally well-equipped to handle life outside of your belly.

But, says the concerned modern parent, how will my child ever become a normal, common kid like the others at school, with their allergies, with their wheezing asthma? Won’t she be singled out as a freak?

Worry not, fretful breeder. The easy answer lies not further than the corner Pharmaprix. A British study states the obvious – or at least something that was obvious to me ever since I cleand a computer monitor with Fantastik and the beige plastic turned to a tobacco-stained yellowish hue. Apparently, after checking out more that 14000 households, they found out that in the 10 percent of households that used cleaning products the most, the children were twice as likely to suffer those cool respiratory problems that all the with-it kids have these days.

So the products (all very easy to obtain) you want to get and use regularly are :

  • disinfectant
  • bleach
  • carpet cleaner
  • window cleaner
  • dry cleaning fluid
  • aerosols
  • turpentine or white spirit
  • air fresheners
  • paint stripper
  • paint or varnish
  • pesticides or insecticides.

You will notice that air freshners are on the same list as turpentine and pesticides. That means there is no need to stink up the house while inoculating your wee babies with the promise of chronic respiratory conditions they will keep for life. A fresh house is a clean house. No matter how sick it makes you.

From the Daily Mail

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